Marriage Quotations
Authors that have more than 2 quotes:
Ambrose Bierce,
Zsa Zsa Gabor,
Emma Goldman,
Kin Hubbard,
Mignon McLaughlin,
Henry Louis Mencken,
Michel de Montaigne,
Helen Rowland,
Rita Rudner
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| A psychiatrist asks a lot of expensive questions your wife asks for nothing. |
| - Joey Adams |
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| My toughest fight was with my first wife. |
| - Muhammad Ali |
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| I tended to place my wife under a pedestal. |
| - Woody Allen |
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| I pay very little regard...to what any young person says on the subject of marriage. If they profess a disinclination for it, I only set it down that they have not yet seen the right person. |
| - Jane Austen |
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| "I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence? |
| - Unknown Author |
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| Bachelor: the only man who has never told his wife a lie. |
| - Unknown Author |
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| Divorce: The past tense of marriage. |
| - Unknown Author |
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| English Law prohibits a man from marrying his mother-in-law. This is our idea of useless legislation. |
| - Unknown Author |
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| If marriage were outlawed, only outlaws would have in-laws. |
| - Unknown Author |
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| If your husband and a lawyer were drowning and you had to choose, would you go to lunch or to a movie? |
| - Unknown Author |
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| It's easy to understand love at first sight, but how do we explain love after two people have been looking at each other for years? |
| - Unknown Author |
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| Love is grand; divorce a hundred grand. |
| - Unknown Author |
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| Love is one long sweet dream, and marriage is the alarm clock. |
| - Unknown Author |
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| Love may be blind but marriage is a real eye-opener! |
| - Unknown Author |
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| Marriage changes passion - suddenly you're in bed with a relative. |
| - Unknown Author |
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| Marriage is not a word - it is a sentence. |
| - Unknown Author |
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| Marriage means commitment. Of course, so does insanity. |
| - Unknown Author |
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| Mistress: something between a mister and a mattress. |
| - Unknown Author |
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| Mother-in-law: a woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers. |
| - Unknown Author |
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| My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God, and I didn't. |
| - Unknown Author |
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| Newlyweds become oldyweds, and oldyweds are the reasons that families work. |
| - Unknown Author |
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| No man expects a great deal from marriage. He is quite satisfied if his wife is a good cook, a good valet, an attentive audience, and a patient nurse. |
| - Unknown Author |
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| Spouse: someone who'll stand by you through all the trouble you wouldn't have had if you'd stayed single. |
| - Unknown Author |
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| Three rings of marriage are the engagement ring, the wedding ring, and the suffering. |
| - Unknown Author |
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| Wedding rings: the world's smallest handcuffs. |
| - Unknown Author |
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| Why do married men gain weight while bachelors don't? Bachelors go to the refrigerator, see nothing they want, then go to bed. Married guys go to the bed, see nothing they want, then go to the refrigerator. |
| - Unknown Author |
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| My wife says I never listen to her. At least I think that's what she said. |
| - Unknown Author |
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| Home cooking: where many a man thinks his wife is. |
| - Unknown Author |
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| Wives are young men's mistresses; companions for middle age; and old men's nurses. |
| - Francis Bacon |
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| Alimony is like buying oats for a dead horse. |
| - Arthur Baer |
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| Marriage must constantly fight against a monster which devours everything: routine. |
| - Honoré de Balzac |
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| The majority of husbands remind me of an orangutan trying to play the violin. |
| - Honoré de Balzac |
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| Bride, n. A woman with a fine prospect behind her. |
| - Ambrose Bierce |
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| Love: A temporary insanity curable by marriage. |
| - Ambrose Bierce |
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| Marriage, n. A community consisting of a master, a mistress, and two slaves, making in all two. |
| - Ambrose Bierce |
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| Marrying for love may be a bit risky, but it is so honest that God can't help but smile on it. |
| - Josh Billings |
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| If there was strife and contention in the home, very little else in life could compensate for it. |
| - Lawana Blackwell |
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| Love-matches are made by people who are content, for a month of honey, to condemn themselves to a life of vinegar. |
| - Lady Marguerite Blessington |
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| Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery. |
| - Erma Bombeck |
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| A good marriage is one which allows for change and growth in the individuals and in the way they express their love. |
| - Pearl S. Buck |
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| The husband who doesn't tell his wife everything probably reasons that what she doesn't know won't hurt him. |
| - Leo J. Burke |
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| Don't smother each other. No one can grow in the shade. |
| - Leo Buscaglia |
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| I have great hopes that we shall love each other all our lives as much as if we had never married at all. |
| - Lord Byron |
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| If you are afraid of loneliness, don't marry. |
| - Anton Chekhov |
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| Marriage is a feast where the grace is sometimes better than the dinner. |
| - Charles Caleb Colton |
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| Courtship to marriage is as a very witty prologue to a very dull play. |
| - William Congreve |
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| Though marriage makes man and wife one flesh, it leaves 'em still two fools. |
| - William Congreve |
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| For two people in a marriage to live together day after day is unquestionably the one miracle the Vatican has overlooked. |
| - Bill Cosby |
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| I've sometimes thought of marrying, and then I've thought again. |
| - Noël Coward |
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| Why get married? For human beings, marriage is such an unnatural state. If you want monogamy, it has been said, you should marry a swan. |
| - Quentin Crisp |
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| I'd marry again if I found a man who had fifteen million dollars and would sign over half of it to me before the marriage, and guarantee he'd be dead within the year. |
| - Bette Davis |
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| Once a woman has forgiven her man, she must not reheat his sins for breakfast. |
| - Marlene Dietrich |
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| Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight. |
| - Phyllis Diller |
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| It destroys one's nerves to be amiable every day to the same human being. |
| - Benjamin Disraeli |
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| No man is regular in his attendance at the House of Commons until he is married. |
| - Benjamin Disraeli |
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| So heavy is the chain of wedlock that it needs two to carry it, and sometimes three. |
| - Alexandre Dumas |
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| Any intelligent woman who reads the marriage contract, and then goes into it, deserves all the consequences. |
| - Isadora Duncan |
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| That quiet mutual gaze of a trusting husband and wife is like the first moment of rest or refuge from a great weariness or a great danger. |
| - George Eliot |
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| A man's wife has more power over him than the state has. |
| - Ralph Waldo Emerson |
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| Is not marriage an open question, when it is alleged, from the beginning of the world, that such as are in the institution wish to get out, and such as are out wish to get in? |
| - Ralph Waldo Emerson |
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| Man's best possession is a sympathetic wife. |
| - Euripides |
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| Never say that marriage has more of joy than pain. |
| - Euripides |
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| We were happily married for eight months. Unfortunately, we were married for four and a half years. |
| - Nick Faldo |
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| Wasn't marriage, like life, unstimulating and unprofitable and somewhat empty when too well ordered and protected and guarded. Wasn't it finer, more splendid, more nourishing, when it was, like life itself, a mixture of the sordid and the magnificent; of mud and stars; of earth and flowers; of love and hate and laughter and tears and ugliness and beauty and hurt. |
| - Edna Ferber |
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| It is not marriage that fails; it is people that fail. All that marriage does is to show people up. |
| - Harry Emerson Fosdick |
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| Marriage is the only war in which you sleep with the enemy. |
| - François |
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| A single man has not nearly the value he would have in a state of union. He is an incomplete animal. He resembles the odd half of a pair of scissors. |
| - Benjamin Franklin |
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| It's a funny thing that when a man hasn't anything on earth to worry about, he goes off and gets married. |
| - Robert Frost |
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| A man in love is incomplete until he has married. Then he's finished. |
| - Zsa Zsa Gabor |
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| Getting divorced just because you don't love a man is almost as silly as getting married just because you do. |
| - Zsa Zsa Gabor |
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| Husbands are like fires. They go out when unattended. |
| - Zsa Zsa Gabor |
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| Most wives think of their husbands as bumbling braggarts with whom they happen to be in love. |
| - Jackie Gleason |
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| The sum which two married people owe to one another defies calculation. It is an infinite debt, which can only be discharged through eternity. |
| - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe |
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| Love, the strongest and deepest element in all life, the harbinger of hope, of joy, of ecstasy; love, the defier of laws, of all conventions; love, the freest, the most powerful molder of human destiny; how can such an all-compelling force be synonymous with that poor little State- and church-begotten weed, marriage? |
| - Emma Goldman |
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| On rare occasions one does hear of a miraculous case of a married couple falling in love after marriage, but on close examination it will be found that it is a mere adjustment to the inevitable. |
| - Emma Goldman |
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| Thus Dante's motto over Inferno applies with equal force to marriage: "Ye who enter here leave all hope behind." |
| - Emma Goldman |
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| Hubert Humphrey talks so fast that listening to him is like trying to read Playboy magazine with your wife turning the pages. |
| - Barry Goldwater |
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| Originally marriage meant the sale of a woman by one man to another; now most women sell themselves though they have no intention of delivering the goods listed in the bill of sale. |
| - Robert Graves |
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| I came from a big family. As a matter of fact, I never got to sleep alone until I was married. |
| - Lewis Grizzard |
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| When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her. |
| - Sacha Guitry |
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| Almost no one is foolish enough to imagine that he automatically deserves great success in any field of activity; yet almost everyone believes that he automatically deserves success in marriage. |
| - Sydney J. Harris |
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| What a happy and holy fashion it is that those who love one another should rest on the same pillow. |
| - Nathaniel Hawthorne |
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| The Wedding March always reminds me of the music played when soldiers go into battle. |
| - Heinrich Heine |
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| If you want to sacrifice the admiration of many men for the criticism of one, go ahead, get married. |
| - Katharine Hepburn |
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| Sometimes I wonder if men and women really suit each other. Perhaps they should live next door and just visit now and then. |
| - Katharine Hepburn |
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| The concept of two people living together for 25 years without a serious dispute suggests a lack of spirit only to be admired in sheep. |
| - A.P. Herbert |
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| To avoid mistakes and regrets, always consult your wife before engaging in a flirtation. |
| - Edgar Watson Howe |
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| Marriage: A legal or religious ceremony by which two persons of the opposite sex solemnly agree to harass and spy on each other for ninety-nine years, or until death do them join. |
| - Elbert Hubbard |
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| Never get married in college; it's hard to get a start if a prospective employer finds you've already made one mistake. |
| - Elbert Hubbard |
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| A fellow ought to save a few of the long evenings he spends with his girl till after they're married. |
| - Kin Hubbard |
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| If you haven't seen your wife smile at a traffic cop, you haven't seen her smile her prettiest. |
| - Kin Hubbard |
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| Women seem to be all right on bargains till it comes to picking out a husband. |
| - Kin Hubbard |
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| Marriage is good for those who are afraid to sleep alone at night. |
| - St. Jerome |
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| I have learned that only two things are necessary to keep one's wife happy. First, let her think she's having her own way. And second, let her have it. |
| - Lyndon B. Johnson |
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| Such is the common process of marriage. A youth and maiden exchange meeting by chance, or brought together by artifice, exchange glances, reciprocate civilities, go home, and dream of one another. Having little to divert attention, or diversify thought, they find themselves uneasy when they are apart, and therefore conclude that they shall be happy together. They marry, and discover what nothing but voluntary blindness had before concealed; they wear out life in altercations, and charge nature with cruelty. |
| - Samuel Johnson |
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| There is no observation more frequently made by such as employ themselves in surveying the conduct of mankind, than that marriage, though the dictate of nature, and the institution of Providence, is yet very often the cause of misery, and that those who enter into that state can seldom forbear to express their repentance, and their envy of those whom either chance or caution hath withheld from it. |
| - Samuel Johnson |
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| Only choose in marriage a man whom you would choose as a friend if he were a woman. |
| - Joseph Joubert |
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| Being divorced is like being hit by a Mack truck. If you live through it, you start looking very carefully to the right and to the left. |
| - Jean Kerr |
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| All married couples should learn the art of battle as they should learn the art of making love. Good battle is objective and honest - never vicious or cruel. Good battle is healthy and constructive, and brings to a marriage the principle of equal partnership. |
| - Ann Landers |
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| More marriages might survive if the partners realized that sometimes the better comes after the worse. |
| - Doug Larson |
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| Many a man in love with a dimple makes the mistake of marrying the whole girl. |
| - Stephen Butler Leacock |
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| A simple enough pleasure, surely, to have breakfast alone with one's husband, but how seldom married people in the midst of life achieve it. |
| - Anne Morrow Lindbergh |
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| One of the good things that come of a true marriage is, that there is one face on which changes come without your seeing them; or rather there is one face which you can still see the same, through all the shadows which years have gathered upon it. |
| - George Macdonald |
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| Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows - marriage does. |
| - Groucho Marx |
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| A man marries to have a home, but also because he doesn't want to be bothered with sex and all that sort of thing. |
| - William Somerset Maugham |
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| A happy marriage is a long conversation which always seems too short. |
| - André Maurois |
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| A successful marriage is an edifice that must be rebuilt every day. |
| - André Maurois |
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| "What's for dinner?" is the only question many husbands ask their wives, and the only one to which they care about the answer. |
| - Mignon McLaughlin |
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| A first-rate marriage is like a first-rate hotel: expensive, but worth it. |
| - Mignon McLaughlin |
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| A love that lasts for twenty years may be better than love, but it isn't love. |
| - Mignon McLaughlin |
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| A perfect marriage is one in which "I'm sorry" is said just often enough. |
| - Mignon McLaughlin |
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| A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person. |
| - Mignon McLaughlin |
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| A woman ought to look up to her husband, if only a half-inch. |
| - Mignon McLaughlin |
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| Affairs are just as disillusioning as marriage, and much less restful. |
| - Mignon McLaughlin |
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| After the chills and fever of love, how nice is the 98.6º of marriage! |
| - Mignon McLaughlin |
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| If you made a list of the reasons why any couple got married, and another list of the reasons for their divorce, you'd have a hell of a lot of overlapping. |
| - Mignon McLaughlin |
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| Love requires a willingness to die; marriage, a willingness to live. |
| - Mignon McLaughlin |
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| Many marriages are simply working partnerships between businessmen and housekeepers. |
| - Mignon McLaughlin |
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| Men never know how tired they are till their wives sit them down for a nice long talk. |
| - Mignon McLaughlin |
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| Pity all newlyweds. She cooks something nice for him, and he brings her flowers, and they kiss and think: How easy marriage is. |
| - Mignon McLaughlin |
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| Some marriages break up, and some do not, and in our world you can usually explain the former better than the latter. |
| - Mignon McLaughlin |
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| The marriage of convenience has this to recommend it: we are better judges of convenience than we are of love. |
| - Mignon McLaughlin |
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| What we love about love is the fever, which marriage puts to bed and cures. |
| - Mignon McLaughlin |
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| A man may be a fool and not know it, but not if he is married. |
| - Henry Louis Mencken |
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| Adultery is the application of democracy to love. |
| - Henry Louis Mencken |
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| Alimony - The ransom that the happy pay to the devil. |
| - Henry Louis Mencken |
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| Bachelors know more about women than married men; if they didn't they'd be married too. |
| - Henry Louis Mencken |
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| If I ever marry, it will be on a sudden impulse - as a man shoots himself. |
| - Henry Louis Mencken |
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| Men have a much better time of it than women. For one thing, they marry later; for another thing, they die earlier. |
| - Henry Louis Mencken |
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| No married man is genuinely happy if he has to drink worse whisky than he used to drink when he was single. |
| - Henry Louis Mencken |
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| Strike an average between what a woman thinks of her husband a month before she marries him and what she thinks of him a year afterward, and you will have the truth about him. |
| - Henry Louis Mencken |
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| The way to hold a husband is to keep him a little jealous; the way to lose him is to keep him a little more jealous. |
| - Henry Louis Mencken |
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| Often the difference between a successful marriage and a mediocre one consists of leaving about three or four things a day unsaid. |
| - Harlan Miller |
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| Before marriage, a girl has to make love to a man to hold him. After marriage, she has to hold him to make love to him. |
| - Marilyn Monroe |
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| A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband. |
| - Michel de Montaigne |
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| Marriage, a market which has nothing free but the entrance. |
| - Michel de Montaigne |
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| The concern that some women show at the absence of their husbands, does not arise from their not seeing them and being with them, but from their apprehension that their husbands are enjoying pleasures in which they do not participate, and which, from their being at a distance, they have not the power of interrupting. |
| - Michel de Montaigne |
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| Marriage is like pleading guilty to an indefinite sentence. Without parole. |
| - John Mortimer |
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| There is no substitute for the comfort supplied by the utterly taken-for granted relationship. |
| - Iris Murdoch |
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| Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other never forgets them. |
| - Ogden Nash |
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| The reason for much matrimony is patrimony. |
| - Ogden Nash |
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| Intimacy is what makes a marriage, not a ceremony, not a piece of paper from the state. |
| - Kathleen Norris |
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| Marriage is a meal where the soup is better than the dessert. |
| - Austin O'Malley |
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| If you would marry suitably, marry your equal. |
| - Ovid |
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| Between a man and his wife nothing ought to rule but love. |
| - William Penn |
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| Never marry but for love; but see that thou lovest what is lovely. |
| - William Penn |
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| Strange to say what delight we married people have to see these poor fools decoyed into our condition. |
| - Samuel Pepys |
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| They dream in courtship, but in wedlock wake. |
| - Alexander Pope |
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| A man without a wife is like a vase without flowers. |
| - African Proverb |
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| The most dangerous food is wedding cake. |
| - American Proverb |
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| Marriage halves our griefs, doubles our joys, and quadruples our expenses. |
| - English Proverb |
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| Never marry for money. Ye'll borrow it cheaper. |
| - Scottish Proverb |
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| Never strike your wife - even with a flower. |
| - Hindu Proverb |
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| Wedlock is a padlock. |
| - John Ray |
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| I'm not a real movie star. I've still got the same wife I started out with twenty-eight years ago. |
| - Will Rogers |
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| Always get married early in the morning. That way, if it doesn't work out, you haven't wasted a whole day. |
| - Mickey Rooney |
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| Never feel remorse for what you have thought about your wife; she has thought much worse things about you. |
| - Jean Rostand |
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| A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted. |
| - Helen Rowland |
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| After a few years of marriage, a man can look right at a woman without seeing her - and a woman can see right through a man without looking at him. |
| - Helen Rowland |
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| Before marriage, a man declares that he would lay down his life to serve you; after marriage, he won't even lay down his newspaper to talk to you. |
| - Helen Rowland |
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| In olden times sacrifices were made at the altar, a custom which is still continued. |
| - Helen Rowland |
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| It isn't tying himself to one woman that a man dreads when he thinks of marrying; it's separating himself from all the others. |
| - Helen Rowland |
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| One man's folly is another man's wife. |
| - Helen Rowland |
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| When a girl marries she exchanges the attentions of many men for the inattention of one. |
| - Helen Rowland |
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| I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life. |
| - Rita Rudner |
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| In Hollywood a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk. |
| - Rita Rudner |
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| Men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage - they've experienced pain and bought jewelry. |
| - Rita Rudner |
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| When I meet a man I ask myself, 'Is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?' |
| - Rita Rudner |
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| The total amount of undesired sex endured by women is probably greater in marriage than in prostitution. |
| - Bertrand Russell |
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| Two mothers-in-law. |
| - Lord John Russell |
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| An object in possession seldom retains the same charm that it had in pursuit. |
| - Caius Plinius Caecilius Secundus |
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| Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can't sleep with the window shut, and a woman who can't sleep with the window open. |
| - George Bernard Shaw |
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| When two people are under the influence of the most violent, most insane, most delusive, and most transient of passions, they are required to swear that they will remain in that excited, abnormal, and exhausting condition continuously until death do them part. |
| - George Bernard Shaw |
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| As to marriage or celibacy, let a man take which course he will, he will be sure to repent. |
| - Socrates |
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| By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you'll be happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. |
| - Socrates |
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| Marriage: A word which should be pronounced "mirage." |
| - Herbert Spencer |
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| The marriage state, with or without the affection suitable to it, is the completest image of Heaven and Hell we are capable of receiving in this life. |
| - Richard Steele |
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| The surest way to be alone is to get married. |
| - Gloria Steinem |
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| Someone once asked me why women don't gamble as much as men do, and I gave the common-sensical reply that we don't have as much money. That was a true but incomplete answer. In fact, women's total instinct for gambling is satisfied by marriage. |
| - Gloria Steinem |
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| A wedding anniversary is the celebration of love, trust, partnership, tolerance and tenacity. The order varies for any given year. |
| - Paul Sweeney |
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| And when will there be an end of marrying? I suppose, when there is an end of living! |
| - Tertullian |
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| Nearly all marriages, even happy ones, are mistakes: in the sense that almost certainly (in a more perfect world, or even with a little more care in this very imperfect one) both partners might be found more suitable mates. But the real soul-mate is the one you are actually married to. |
| - J.R.R. Tolkien |
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| A woman who loves her husband is merely paying her bills. A woman who loves her lover gives alms to the poor. |
| - Paul-Jean Toulet |
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| My wife tells me she doesn't care what I do when I'm away, as long as I'm not enjoying it. |
| - Lee Trevino |
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| Love seems the swiftest but it is the slowest of all growths. No man or woman really knows what perfect love is until they have been married a quarter of a century. |
| - Mark Twain |
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| One advantage of marriage is that, when you fall out of love with him or he falls out of love with you, it keeps you together until you fall in again. |
| - Judith Viorst |
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| Marriage is the only adventure open to the cowardly. |
| - Voltaire |
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| The bonds of matrimony are like any other bonds - they mature slowly. |
| - Peter De Vries |
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| The difficulty with marriage is that we fall in love with a personality, but must live with a character. |
| - Peter De Vries |
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| He's the kind of man a woman would have to marry to get rid of. |
| - Mae West |
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| Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution. |
| - Mae West |
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| Bigamy is having one husband or wife too many. Monogamy is the same. |
| - Oscar Wilde |
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| How can a woman be expected to be happy with a man who insists on treating her as if she were a perfectly normal human being. |
| - Oscar Wilde |
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| Marriage is a bribe to make the housekeeper think she's a householder. |
| - Thornton Wilder |
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| Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you're in the wrong house, that's what it means. |
| - Henny Youngman |
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| The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret. |
| - Henny Youngman |
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