Holidays Quotations
Authors that have more than 2 quotes:
Ambrose Bierce,
Erma Bombeck,
Charles Lamb
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| A New Year's resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other. |
| - Unknown Author |
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| I'll bet living in a nudist colony takes all the fun out of Halloween. |
| - Unknown Author |
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| Many people look forward to the New Year for a new start on old habits. |
| - Unknown Author |
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| Perhaps the best Yuletide decoration is being wreathed in smiles. |
| - Unknown Author |
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| Oh, for the good old days when people would stop Christmas shopping when they ran out of money. |
| - Unknown Author |
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| Christmas is the season when you buy this year's gifts with next year's money. |
| - Unknown Author |
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| In the United States Christmas has become the rape of an idea. |
| - Richard Bach |
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| In the old days, it was not called the Holiday Season; the Christians called it 'Christmas' and went to church; the Jews called it 'Hanukkah' and went to synagogue; the atheists went to parties and drank. People passing each other on the street would say 'Merry Christmas!' or 'Happy Hanukkah!' or (to the atheists) 'Look out for the wall!' |
| - Dave Barry |
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| Once again we find ourselves enmeshed in the Holiday Season, that very special time of year when we join with our loved ones in sharing centuries-old traditions such as trying to find a parking space at the mall. We traditionally do this in my family by driving around the parking lot until we see a shopper emerge from the mall, then we follow her, in very much the same spirit as the Three Wise Men, who 2,000 years ago followed a star, week after week, until it led them to a parking space. |
| - Dave Barry |
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| Every man should be born again on the first day of January. Start with a fresh page. Take up one hole more in the buckle if necessary, or let down one, according to circumstances; but on the first of January let every man gird himself once more, with his face to the front, and take no interest in the things that were and are past. |
| - Henry Ward Beecher |
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| April fool, n. The March fool with another month added to his folly. |
| - Ambrose Bierce |
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| Feast, n. A festival. A religious celebration usually signalized by gluttony and drunkenness, frequently in honor of some holy person distinguished for abstemiousness. |
| - Ambrose Bierce |
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| Turkey: A large bird whose flesh, when eaten on certain religious anniversaries has the peculiar property of attesting piety and gratitude. |
| - Ambrose Bierce |
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| Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times take twelve minutes. This is not coincidence. |
| - Erma Bombeck |
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| There's nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child. |
| - Erma Bombeck |
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| What we're really talking about is a wonderful day set aside on the fourth Thursday of November when no one diets. I mean, why else would they call it Thanksgiving? |
| - Erma Bombeck |
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| That which distinguishes this day from all others is that then both orators and artillerymen shoot blank cartridges. |
| - John Burroughs |
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| When we were children we were grateful to those who filled our stockings at Christmas time. Why are we not grateful to God for filling our stockings with legs? |
| - Gilbert Keith Chesterton |
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| Happy, happy Christmas, that can win us back to the delusions of our childish days; that can recall to the old man the pleasures of his youth; that can transport the sailor and the traveller, thousands of miles away, back to his own fire-side and his quiet home! |
| - Charles Dickens |
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| I will honor Christmas in my heart, and try to keep it all the year. |
| - Charles Dickens |
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| Woman in the home has not yet lost her dignity, in spite of Mother's Day, with its offensive implication that our love needs an annual nudging, like our enthusiasm for the battle of Bunker Hill. |
| - John Erskine |
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| I do like Christmas on the whole.... In its clumsy way, it does approach Peace and Goodwill. But it is clumsier every year. |
| - E.M. Forster |
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| The Christmas season has come to mean the period when the public plays Santa Claus to the merchants. |
| - John Andrew Holmes |
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| Next to a circus there ain't nothing that packs up and tears out faster than the Christmas spirit. |
| - Kin Hubbard |
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| Nothing's as mean as giving a little child something useful for Christmas. |
| - Kin Hubbard |
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| The Church does not superstitiously observe days, merely as days, but as memorials of important facts. Christmas might be kept as well upon one day of the year as another; but there should be a stated day for commemorating the birth of our Saviour, because there is danger that what may be done on any day, will be neglected. |
| - Samuel Johnson |
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| An optimist is a person who starts a new diet on Thanksgiving Day. |
| - Irv Kupcinet |
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| Gluttony and surfeiting are no proper occasions for thanksgiving. |
| - Charles Lamb |
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| New Year's Day is every man's birthday. |
| - Charles Lamb |
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| No one ever regarded the First of January with indifference. It is that from which all date their time, and count upon what is left. It is the nativity of our common Adam. |
| - Charles Lamb |
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| Christmas is a time when kids tell Santa what they want and adults pay for it. Deficits are when adults tell the government what they want and their kids pay for it. |
| - Richard Lamm |
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| If all the cars in the United States were placed end to end, it would probably be Labor Day Weekend. |
| - Doug Larson |
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| The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn't for any religious reasons. They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin. |
| - Jay Leno |
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| Blessed is the season which engages the whole world in a conspiracy of love. |
| - Hamilton Wright Mabie |
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| Time has no divisions to mark its passage, there is never a thunder-storm or blare of trumpets to announce the beginning of a new month or year. Even when a new century begins it is only we mortals who ring bells and fire off pistols. |
| - Thomas Mann |
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| I wish we could put up some of the Christmas spirit in jars and open a jar of it every month. |
| - Harlan Miller |
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| People can't concentrate properly on blowing other people to pieces if their minds are poisoned by thoughts suitable to the twenty-fifth of December. |
| - Ogden Nash |
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| Christmas begins about the first of December with an office party and ends when you finally realize what you spent, around April fifteenth of the next year. |
| - P.J. O'Rourke |
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| The proper behavior all through the holiday season is to be drunk. This drunkenness culminates on New Year's Eve, when you get so drunk you kiss the person you're married to. |
| - P.J. O'Rourke |
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| Christmas waves a magic wand over this world, and behold, everything is softer and more beautiful. |
| - Norman Vincent Peale |
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| I can understand people simply fleeing the mountainous effort Christmas has become... but there are always a few saving graces and finally they make up for all the bother and distress. |
| - May Sarton |
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| April 1. This is the day upon which we are reminded of what we are on the other three hundred and sixty-four. |
| - Mark Twain |
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| Thanksgiving Day, a function which originated in New England two or three centuries ago when those people recognized that they really had something to be thankful for - annually, not oftener - if they had succeeded in exterminating their neighbors, the Indians, during the previous twelve months instead of getting exterminated by their neighbors, the Indians. Thanksgiving Day became a habit, for the reason that in the course of time, as the years drifted on, it was perceived that the exterminating had ceased to be mutual and was all on the white man's side, consequently on the Lord's side; hence it was proper to thank the Lord for it and extend the usual annual compliments. |
| - Mark Twain |
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| Youth is when you're allowed to stay up late on New Year's Eve. Middle age is when you're forced to. |
| - Bill Vaughan |
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| An optimist stays up until midnight to see the new year in. A pessimist stays up to make sure the old year leaves. |
| - Bill Vaughan |
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| I also hate those holidays that fall on a Monday where you don't get mail, those fake holidays like Columbus Day. What did Christopher Columbus do, discover America? If he hadn't, somebody else would have and we'd still be here. Big deal. |
| - John Waters |
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| Oh look, yet another Christmas TV special! How touching to have the meaning of Christmas brought to us by cola, fast food, and beer.... Who'd have ever guessed that product consumption, popular entertainment, and spirituality would mix so harmoniously? |
| - Bill Watterson |
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| To perceive Christmas through its wrappings becomes more difficult with every year. |
| - Elwyn Brooks White |
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| From a commercial point of view, if Christmas did not exist it would be necessary to invent it. |
| - Katharine Whitehorn |
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