Golf Quotations
Authors that have more than 2 quotes:
Bob Hope,
Jim Murray,
Mac O'Grady,
Grantland Rice,
Chi Chi Rodriguez,
Sam Snead,
Lee Trevino,
P.G. Wodehouse
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| If you break 100, watch your golf. If you break 80, watch your business. |
| - Joey Adams |
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| Baseball players quit playing and they take up golf. Basketball players quit, take up golf. Football players quit, take up golf. What are we supposed to take up when we quit? |
| - George Archer |
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| One thing about golf is you don't know why you play bad and why you play good. |
| - George Archer |
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| A "gimme" can best be defined as an agreement between two golfers, neither of whom can putt very well. |
| - Unknown Author |
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| A game in which you claim the privileges of age, and retain the playthings of childhood. |
| - Unknown Author |
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| A golfer's diet: live on greens as much as possible. |
| - Unknown Author |
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| Born to golf. Forced to work. |
| - Unknown Author |
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| Fifty years ago, 100 white men chasing one black man across a field was called the Ku Klux Klan. Today it's called the PGA Tour. |
| - Unknown Author |
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| Golf can best be defined as an endless series of tragedies obscured by the occasional miracle. |
| - Unknown Author |
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| Golf is a lot of walking, broken up by disappointment and bad arithmetic. |
| - Unknown Author |
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| Golf is life. If you can't take golf, you can't take life. |
| - Unknown Author |
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| Gone golfin'... be back dark thirty. |
| - Unknown Author |
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| If I hit it right, it's a slice. If I hit it left, it's a hook. If I hit it straight, it's a miracle. |
| - Unknown Author |
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| I've spent most of my life golfing... the rest I've just wasted. |
| - Unknown Author |
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| May thy ball lie in green pastures... and not in still waters. |
| - Unknown Author |
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| My body is here, but my mind has already teed off. |
| - Unknown Author |
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| The best wood in most amateurs' bags is the pencil. |
| - Unknown Author |
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| The sport of choice for the urban poor is basketball. The sport of choice for maintenance level employees is bowling. The sport of choice for front-line workers is football. The sport of choice for supervisors is baseball. The sport of choice for middle management is tennis. The sport of choice for corporate officers is golf. Conclusion: The higher you are in the corporate structure, the smaller your balls become. |
| - Unknown Author |
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| To some golfers, the greatest handicap is the ability to add correctly. |
| - Unknown Author |
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| When I die, bury me on the golf course so my husband will visit. |
| - Unknown Author |
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| "Play it as it lies" is one of the fundamental dictates of golf. The other is "Wear it if it clashes." |
| - Henry Beard |
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| Duffers who consistently shank their balls are urged to buy and study Shanks - No Thanks by R.K. Hoffman, or in extreme cases, M.S. Howard's excellent Tennis for Beginners. |
| - Henry Beard |
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| Give me the fresh air, a beautiful partner, and a nice round of golf, and you can keep the fresh air and the round of golf. |
| - Jack Benny |
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| Golf is played by twenty million mature American men whose wives think they are out having fun. |
| - Jim Bishop |
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| Have you ever noticed what golf spells backwards? |
| - Al Boliska |
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| The trouble that most of us find with the modern matched sets of clubs is that they don't really seem to know any more about the game than the old ones did. |
| - Robert Browning |
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| I regard golf as an expensive way of playing marbles. |
| - Gilbert Keith Chesterton |
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| Golf is like chasing a quinine pill around a cow pasture. |
| - Sir Winston Churchill |
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| Golf is an open exhibition of overweening ambition, courage deflated by stupidity, skill scoured by a whiff of arrogance. |
| - Alistair Cooke |
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| Golf is like a love affair. If you don't take it seriously, it's no fun; if you do take it seriously, it breaks your heart. |
| - Arthur Daley |
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| The reason the pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't see him laughing. |
| - Phyllis Diller |
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| Playing the game I have learned the meaning of humility. It has given me an understanding of futility of the human effort. |
| - Abba Eban |
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| John certainly gives it a good hit, doesn't he? My Sunday best is a Wednesday afternoon compared to him. |
| - Nick Faldo |
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| I know I am getting better at golf because I'm hitting fewer spectators. |
| - Gerald Ford |
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| I would like to deny all allegations by Bob Hope that during my last game of golf, I hit an eagle, a birdie, an elk and a moose. |
| - Gerald Ford |
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| If there is any larceny in a man, golf will bring it out. |
| - Paul Gallico |
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| The only time my prayers are never answered is on the golf course. |
| - Billy Graham |
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| Golf balls are attracted to water as unerringly as the eye of a middle-aged man to a female bosom. |
| - Michael Green |
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| The number of shots taken by an opponent who is out of sight is equal to the square root of the sum of the number of curses heard plus the number of swishes. |
| - Michael Green |
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| In baseball you hit your home run over the right-field fence, the left-field fence, the center-field fence. Nobody cares. In golf everything has got to be right over second base. |
| - Ken Harrelson |
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| Golf is a game in which you yell "fore," shoot six, and write down five. |
| - Paul Harvey |
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| The game of golf would lose a great deal if croquet mallets and billiard cues were allowed on the putting green. |
| - Ernest Hemingway |
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| Men who would face torture without a word become blasphemous at the short fourteenth. It is clear that the game of golf may well be included in that category of intolerable provocations which may legally excuse or mitigate behaviour not otherwise excusable. |
| - A.P. Herbert |
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| I just hope I don't have to explain all the times I've used His name in vain when I get up there. |
| - Bob Hope |
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| If I'm on the course and lightning starts, I get inside fast. If God wants to play through, let him. |
| - Bob Hope |
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| I'll shoot my age if I have to live to be 105. |
| - Bob Hope |
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| Isn't it fun to go out on the course and lie in the sun? |
| - Bob Hope |
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| Drugs are very much a part of professional sports today, but when you think about it, golf is the only sport where the players aren't penalized for being on grass. |
| - Bob Hope |
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| I play in the low 80s. If it's any hotter than that, I won't play. |
| - Joe E. Lewis |
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| It is almost impossible to remember how tragic a place this world is when one is playing golf. |
| - Robert S. Lynd |
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| It's easy to see golf not as a game at all but as some whey-faced, nineteenth-century Presbyterian minister's fever dream of exorcism achieved through ritual and self-mortification. |
| - Bruce McCall |
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| No game designed to be played with the aid of personal servants by right-handed men who can't even bring along their dogs can be entirely good for the soul. |
| - Bruce McCall |
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| If I had my way, any man guilty of golf would be barred from any public office in the United States and the families of the breed would be shipped off to the white slave corrals of Argentina. |
| - Henry Louis Mencken |
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| Golf is so popular simply because it is the best game in the world at which to be bad. |
| - A.A. Milne |
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| Actually, the only time I ever took out a one-iron was to kill a tarantula. And it took a seven to do that. |
| - Jim Murray |
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| Golf is not a game, it's bondage. It was obviously devised by a man torn with guilt, eager to atone for his sins. |
| - Jim Murray |
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| Golf is the cruelest of sports. Like life, it's unfair. It's a harlot. A trollop. It leads you on. It never lives up to its promises.... It's a boulevard of broken dreams. It plays with men. And runs off with the butcher. |
| - Jim Murray |
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| Golf without mistakes is like watching haircuts. A dinner without wine. |
| - Jim Murray |
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| Through years of experience I have found that air offers less resistance than dirt. |
| - Jack Nicklaus |
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| A hole in one is amazing when you think of the different universes this white mass of molecules has to pass through on its way to the hole. |
| - Mac O'Grady |
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| One minute you're bleeding. The next minute you're hemorrhaging. The next minute you're painting the Mona Lisa. |
| - Mac O'Grady |
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| When I putt, my emotions collide like tectonic plates. It's left my memory circuits full of scars that won't heal. |
| - Mac O'Grady |
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| Golf is essentially an exercise in masochism conducted out-of-doors. |
| - Paul O'Neil |
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| Golf combines two favorite American pastimes: taking long walks and hitting things with a stick. |
| - P.J. O'Rourke |
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| I have a tip that can take five strokes off anyone's golf game: it's called an eraser. |
| - Arnold Palmer |
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| What other people may find in poetry or art museums, I find in the flight of a good drive. |
| - Arnold Palmer |
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| Eighteen holes of match or medal play will teach you more about your foe than will 18 years of dealing with him across a desk. |
| - Grantland Rice |
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| Golf gives you an insight into human nature, your own as well as your opponent's. |
| - Grantland Rice |
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| You are meant to play the ball as it lies, a fact that may help to touch on your own objective approach to life. |
| - Grantland Rice |
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| A golf ball is like a clock. Always hit it at 6 o'clock and make it go toward 12 o'clock. But make sure you're in the same time zone. |
| - Chi Chi Rodriguez |
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| After all these years, it's still embarrassing for me to play on the American golf tour. Like the time I asked my caddie for a sand wedge and he came back ten minutes later with a ham on rye. |
| - Chi Chi Rodriguez |
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| Golf is the most fun you can have without taking your clothes off. |
| - Chi Chi Rodriguez |
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| I never pray to God to make a putt. I pray to God to help me react good if I miss a putt. |
| - Chi Chi Rodriguez |
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| The first time I played the Masters, I was so nervous I drank a bottle of rum before I teed off. I shot the happiest 83 of my life. |
| - Chi Chi Rodriguez |
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| Trevino is in a league by himself. We don't even count him. We figure when you come in second, you're a winner. |
| - Chi Chi Rodriguez |
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| I guess there is nothing that will get your mind off everything like golf. I have never been depressed enough to take up the game, but they say you get so sore at yourself you forget to hate your enemies. |
| - Will Rogers |
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| The income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf has. Even when you make a tax form out on the level, you don't know when it's through if you are a crook or a martyr. |
| - Will Rogers |
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| A golf course outside a big town serves an excellent purpose in that it segregates, as though a concentration camp, all the idle and idiot well-to-do. |
| - Osbert Sitwell |
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| But you don't have to go up in the stands and play your foul balls. I do. |
| - Sam Snead |
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| Forget your opponents; always play against par. |
| - Sam Snead |
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| If a lot of people gripped a knife and fork the way they do a golf club, they'd starve to death. |
| - Sam Snead |
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| These greens are so fast I have to hold my putter over the ball and hit it with the shadow. |
| - Sam Snead |
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| Some of us worship in churches, some in synagogues, some on golf courses. |
| - Adlai E. Stevenson |
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| Columbus went around the world in 1492. That isn't a lot of strokes when you consider the course. |
| - Lee Trevino |
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| If you're caught on a golf course during a storm and are afraid of lightning, hold up a 1-iron. Not even God can hit a 1-iron. |
| - Lee Trevino |
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| I'm a golfaholic, no question about that. Counseling wouldn't help me. They'd have to put me in prison, and then I'd talk the warden into building a hole or two and teach him how to play. |
| - Lee Trevino |
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| My swing is so bad I look like a caveman killing his lunch. |
| - Lee Trevino |
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| One under a tree, one under a bush, one under the water. |
| - Lee Trevino |
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| There are two things you can do with your head down - play golf and pray. |
| - Lee Trevino |
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| Golf is a good walk spoiled. |
| - Mark Twain |
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| It's good sportsmanship not to pick up lost balls while they are still rolling. |
| - Mark Twain |
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| Golf appeals to the idiot in us and the child. Just how childlike golf players become is proven by their frequent inability to count past five. |
| - John Updike |
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| The golf swing is like a suitcase into which we are trying to pack one too many things. |
| - John Updike |
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| Don't play too much golf. Two rounds a day are plenty. |
| - Harry Vardon |
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| If your opponent is playing several shots in vain attempts to extricate himself from a bunker, do not stand near him and audibly count his strokes. It would be justifiable homicide if he wound up his pitiable exhibition by applying his niblick to your head. |
| - Harry Vardon |
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| The uglier a man's legs are, the better he plays golf. It's almost a law. |
| - H.G. Wells |
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| Golf is a game where white men can dress up as black pimps and get away with it. |
| - Robin Williams |
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| Golf is an ineffectual attempt to put an elusive ball into an obscure hole with implements ill-adapted to the purpose. |
| - Woodrow Wilson |
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| "After all, golf is only a game," said Millicent. Women say these things without thinking. It does not mean that there is a kink in their character. They simply don't realise what they are saying. |
| - P.G. Wodehouse |
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| Golf, like the measles, should be caught young, for, if postponed to riper years, the results may be serious. |
| - P.G. Wodehouse |
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| The least thing upset him on the links. He missed short putts because of the uproar of butterflies in the adjoining meadows. |
| - P.G. Wodehouse |
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| Golf is a day spent in a round of strenuous idleness. |
| - William Wordsworth |
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