Alcohol Quotations
Authors that have more than 2 quotes:
W.C. Fields
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| You don't have to be a beer drinker to play darts, but it helps. |
| - Unknown Author |
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| A hangover is the wrath of grapes. |
| - Unknown Author |
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| A man ought not never to get drunk above the neck. |
| - Unknown Author |
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| Draft beer, not people. |
| - Unknown Author |
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| Everybody should believe in something; I believe I'll have another drink. |
| - Unknown Author |
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| How come if alcohol kills millions of brain cells, it never killed the ones that made me want to drink? |
| - Unknown Author |
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| If drinking is interfering with your work, you're probably a heavy drinker. If work is interfering with your drinking, you're probably an alcoholic. |
| - Unknown Author |
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| If you must drink and drive, drink Pepsi. |
| - Unknown Author |
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| If you wish to keep your affairs secret, drink no wine. |
| - Unknown Author |
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| Life's a waste of time, time's a waste of life so let's all get wasted and have the time of our life. |
| - Unknown Author |
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| New! Improved! Instant asshole... just add alcohol! |
| - Unknown Author |
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| Remember: "I" before "E," except in Budweiser. |
| - Unknown Author |
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| The first thing in the human personality that dissolves in alcohol is dignity. |
| - Unknown Author |
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| When the wine is in, the wit is out. |
| - Unknown Author |
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| It takes 8,460 bolts to assemble an automobile, and one nut to scatter it all over the road. |
| - Unknown Author |
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| Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza. |
| - Dave Barry |
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| Drinking makes such fools of people, and people are such fools to begin with, that it's compounding a felony. |
| - Robert Benchley |
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| Why don't you slip out of those wet clothes and into a dry Martini? |
| - Robert Benchley |
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| Brandy, n. A cordial composed of one part thunder-and-lightning, one part remorse, two parts bloody murder, one part death-hell-and-the-grave and four parts clarified Satan. |
| - Ambrose Bierce |
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| If you know someone who tries to drown their sorrows, you might tell them sorrows know how to swim. |
| - H. Jackson Jr. Brown |
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| I think a man ought to get drunk at least twice a year just on principle, so he won't let himself get snotty about it. |
| - Raymond Chandler |
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| No animal ever invented anything so bad as drunkeness - or so good as drink. |
| - Lord Chesterfield |
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| I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me. |
| - Sir Winston Churchill |
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| Health - what my friends are always drinking to before they fall down. |
| - Phyllis Diller |
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| A woman drove me to drink and I never even had the courtesy to thank her. |
| - W.C. Fields |
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| I like to keep a bottle of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy. |
| - W.C. Fields |
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| Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water. |
| - W.C. Fields |
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| Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy. |
| - Benjamin Franklin |
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| Wine is sunlight, held together by water. |
| - Galileo Galilei |
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| Champagne, if you are seeking the truth, is better than a lie detector. It encourages a man to be expansive, even reckless, while lie detectors are only a challenge to tell lies successfully. |
| - Graham Greene |
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| Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink I feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, it is better that I drink this beer and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver. |
| - Jack Handey |
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| Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors... and miss. |
| - Robert A. Heinlein |
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| Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut. |
| - Ernest Hemingway |
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| No poems can please for long or live that are written by water-drinkers. |
| - Horace |
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| Whoever takes just plain ginger ale soon gets drowned out of the conversation. |
| - Kin Hubbard |
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| This is one of the disadvantages of wine: it makes a man mistake words for thought. |
| - Samuel Johnson |
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| Wine gives a man nothing... it only puts in motion what had been locked up in frost. |
| - Samuel Johnson |
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| Even though a number of people have tried, no one has yet found a way to drink for a living. |
| - Jean Kerr |
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| I envy people who drink - at least they know what to blame everything on. |
| - Oscar Levant |
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| If we take habitual drunkards as a class, their heads and their hearts will bear an advantageous comparison with those of any other class. There seems ever to have been a proneness in the brilliant and warm-blooded to fall in to this vice. The demon of intemperance ever seems to have delighted in sucking the blood of genius and generosity. |
| - Abraham Lincoln |
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| I drink only to make my friends seem interesting. |
| - Don Marquis |
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| The chief reason for drinking is the desire to behave in a certain way, and to be able to blame it on alcohol. |
| - Mignon McLaughlin |
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| The harsh, useful things of the world, from pulling teeth to digging potatoes, are best done by men who are as starkly sober as so many convicts in the death-house, but the lovely and useless things, the charming and exhilarating things, are best done by men with, as the phrase is, a few sheets in the wind. |
| - Henry Louis Mencken |
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| If you are young and you drink a great deal it will spoil your health, slow your mind, make you fat - in other words, turn you into an adult. |
| - P.J. O'Rourke |
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| Zen martini: A martini with no vermouth at all. And no gin, either. |
| - P.J. O'Rourke |
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| Wine gives courage and makes men more apt for passion. |
| - Ovid |
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| They speak of my drinking, but never think of my thirst. |
| - Scottish Proverb |
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| It is most absurdly said, in popular language, of any man, that he is disguised in liquor; for, on the contrary, most men are disguised by sobriety. |
| - Thomas de Quincey |
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| Drunkenness is temporary suicide. |
| - Bertrand Russell |
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| When the wine goes in, strange things come out. |
| - Johann Christoph friedrich von Schiller |
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| Drunkenness is nothing but voluntary madness. |
| - Lucius Annaeus Seneca |
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| O God, that men should put an enemy in their mouths to steal away their brains! that we should, with joy, pleasance, revel, and applause, transform ourselves into beasts! |
| - William Shakespeare |
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| I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day. |
| - Frank Sinatra |
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| Wine is bottled poetry. |
| - Robert Louis Stevenson |
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| One martini is all right. Two are too many, and three are not enough. |
| - James Thurber |
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| Of the demonstrably wise there are but two: those who commit suicide, and those who keep their reasoning faculties atrophied by drink. |
| - Mark Twain |
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| My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle. |
| - Henny Youngman |
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| When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading. |
| - Henny Youngman |
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