Steven Wright Quotations

Viewing quotes 1 to 17 (17 total)

You can't have everything... where would you put it?
	- Steven Wright	more quotations on [Random]

I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can get me five.
	- Steven Wright	more quotations on [Luck]

I went to a cafe that advertised breakfast anytime, so I ordered French Toast during the Rennaisance.
	- Steven Wright	more quotations on [Perspective]

Last night I fell asleep in a satellite dish. My dreams were broadcast all over the world.
	- Steven Wright	more quotations on [Dreams]

A fool and his money are soon partying.
	- Steven Wright	more quotations on [Money]

I spent all my money on a FAX machine. Now I can only FAX collect.
	- Steven Wright	more quotations on [Money]

I went to the bank and asked to borrow a cup of money. They said, What for? I said, I'm going to buy some sugar.
	- Steven Wright	more quotations on [Money]

The lady across the hall tried to rob a department store . . . with a pricing gun. She said, Give me all of the money in the vault, or I'm marking down everything in the store.
	- Steven Wright	more quotations on [Money]

Why do banks charge you a "non-sufficient funds fee" on money they already know you don't have?
	- Steven Wright	more quotations on [Money]

I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
	- Steven Wright	more quotations on [Death]

I named my dog Stay so I can say, "Come here, Stay. Come here, Stay."
	- Steven Wright	more quotations on [Dogs]

I think God's going to come down and pull civilization over for speeding.
	- Steven Wright	more quotations on [Society]

When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask me if I'm leaving.
	- Steven Wright	more quotations on [Boredom]

I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering.
	- Steven Wright	more quotations on [Daydreaming]

If God dropped acid, would he see people?
	- Steven Wright	more quotations on [Drugs]

There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
	- Steven Wright	more quotations on [Fishing]

Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.
	- Steven Wright	more quotations on [Skiing]

Viewing quotes 1 to 17 (17 total)

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