P.J. O'Rourke Quotations

Viewing quotes 1 to 20 (23 total)

Oh, God. The Sixties are coming back. Well I've got a 12-gauge double-barreled duck gun chambered for three-inch Magnum shells. And - speaking strictly for this retired hippie and former pinko beatnik - if the Sixties head my way, they won't get past the porch steps. They will be history. Which, for chrissakes, is what they're supposed to be.
	- P.J. O'Rourke	more quotations on [History]

Golf combines two favorite American pastimes: taking long walks and hitting things with a stick.
	- P.J. O'Rourke	more quotations on [Golf]

Humans are the only animals that have children on purpose with the exception of guppies, who like to eat theirs.
	- P.J. O'Rourke	more quotations on [Parents]

Always read something that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.
	- P.J. O'Rourke	more quotations on [Books]

If you are young and you drink a great deal it will spoil your health, slow your mind, make you fat - in other words, turn you into an adult.
	- P.J. O'Rourke	more quotations on [Alcohol]

Zen martini: A martini with no vermouth at all. And no gin, either.
	- P.J. O'Rourke	more quotations on [Alcohol]

Every government is a parliament of whores. The trouble is, in a democracy, the whores are us.
	- P.J. O'Rourke	more quotations on [Government]

Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys.
	- P.J. O'Rourke	more quotations on [Government]

The Democrats are the party that says government will make you smarter, taller, richer, and remove the crabgrass on your lawn. The Republicans are the party that says government doesn't work and then they get elected and prove it.
	- P.J. O'Rourke	more quotations on [Politics]

When buying and selling are controlled by legislation, the first things to be bought and sold are legislators.
	- P.J. O'Rourke	more quotations on [Politics]

I suppose I should get a VCR, but the only thing I like about television is its ephemerality.
	- P.J. O'Rourke	more quotations on [Television]

Never wear anything that panics the cat.
	- P.J. O'Rourke	more quotations on [Clothing] [Animal Rights]

Christmas begins about the first of December with an office party and ends when you finally realize what you spent, around April fifteenth of the next year.
	- P.J. O'Rourke	more quotations on [Holidays]

The proper behavior all through the holiday season is to be drunk. This drunkenness culminates on New Year's Eve, when you get so drunk you kiss the person you're married to.
	- P.J. O'Rourke	more quotations on [Holidays]

Good manners can replace morals. It may be years before anyone knows if what you are doing is right. But if what you are doing is nice, it will be immediately evident.
	- P.J. O'Rourke	more quotations on [Manners]

Anyway, no drug, not even alcohol, causes the fundamental ills of society. If we're looking for the source of our troubles, we shouldn't test people for drugs, we should test them for stupidity, ignorance, greed and love of power.
	- P.J. O'Rourke	more quotations on [Drugs] [Ignorance]

Drugs have taught an entire generation of American kids the metric system.
	- P.J. O'Rourke	more quotations on [Drugs]

After all, what is your host's purpose in having a party? Surely not for you to enjoy yourself; if that were their sole purpose, they'd have simply sent champagne and women over to your place by taxi.
	- P.J. O'Rourke	more quotations on [Party] [Random]

You can't get rid of poverty by giving people money.
	- P.J. O'Rourke	more quotations on [Poverty]

Journalists aren't supposed to praise things. It's a violation of work rules almost as serious as buying drinks with our own money or absolving the CIA of something.
	- P.J. O'Rourke	more quotations on [Media-Journalism]

Viewing quotes 1 to 20 (23 total)

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