| Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery. |
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- Erma Bombeck |
more quotations on [Marriage] |
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| The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again. |
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- Erma Bombeck |
more quotations on [Exercise] |
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| When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they're finished, I climb out. |
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- Erma Bombeck |
more quotations on [Parents] |
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| Dreams have but one owner at a time. That is why dreamers are lonely. |
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- Erma Bombeck |
more quotations on [Dreams] |
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| It takes a lot of courage to show your dreams to someone else. |
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- Erma Bombeck |
more quotations on [Dreams] |
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| My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint. |
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- Erma Bombeck |
more quotations on [Housework] |
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| When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, "I used everything you gave me." |
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- Erma Bombeck |
more quotations on [Life] |
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| A grandmother pretends she doesn't know who you are on Halloween. |
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- Erma Bombeck |
more quotations on [Grandparents] |
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| The Rose Bowl is the only bowl I've ever seen that I didn't have to clean. |
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- Erma Bombeck |
more quotations on [Football] [Housework] |
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| If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead. |
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- Erma Bombeck |
more quotations on [Football] |
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| I have seen my kid struggle into the kitchen in the morning with outfits that need only one accessory: an empty gin bottle. |
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- Erma Bombeck |
more quotations on [Teenagers] |
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| Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth. |
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- Erma Bombeck |
more quotations on [Teenagers] |
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| Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times take twelve minutes. This is not coincidence. |
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- Erma Bombeck |
more quotations on [Holidays] [Football] |
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| There's nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child. |
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- Erma Bombeck |
more quotations on [Holidays] |
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| What we're really talking about is a wonderful day set aside on the fourth Thursday of November when no one diets. I mean, why else would they call it Thanksgiving? |
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- Erma Bombeck |
more quotations on [Holidays] |
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| As a child, my number one best friend was the librarian in my grade school. I actually believed all those books belonged to her. |
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- Erma Bombeck |
more quotations on [Libraries] |
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| What's with you men? Would hair stop growing on your chest if you asked directions somewhere? |
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- Erma Bombeck |
more quotations on [Men] |
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| I am not a glutton - I am an explorer of food. |
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- Erma Bombeck |
more quotations on [Dieting] |
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| I've been on a constant diet for the last two decades. I've lost a total of 789 pounds. By all accounts, I should be hanging from a charm bracelet. |
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- Erma Bombeck |
more quotations on [Dieting] |
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| The family. We were a strange little band of characters trudging through life sharing diseases and toothpaste, coveting one another's desserts, hiding shampoo, borrowing money, locking each other out of our rooms, inflicting pain and kissing to heal it in the same instant, loving, laughing, defending, and trying to figure out the common thread that bound us all together. |
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- Erma Bombeck |
more quotations on [Family] |
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