| If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant's life, she will choose to save the infant's life without even considering if there are men on base. |
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- Dave Barry |
more quotations on [Women] [Baseball] |
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| I have seen women walk right past a TV set with a football game on and - this always amazes me - not stop to watch, even if the TV is showing replays of what we call a "good hit," which is a tackle that causes at least one major internal organ to actually fly out of a player's body. |
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- Dave Barry |
more quotations on [Football] |
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| In the old days, it was not called the Holiday Season; the Christians called it 'Christmas' and went to church; the Jews called it 'Hanukkah' and went to synagogue; the atheists went to parties and drank. People passing each other on the street would say 'Merry Christmas!' or 'Happy Hanukkah!' or (to the atheists) 'Look out for the wall!' |
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- Dave Barry |
more quotations on [Holidays] |
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| Once again we find ourselves enmeshed in the Holiday Season, that very special time of year when we join with our loved ones in sharing centuries-old traditions such as trying to find a parking space at the mall. We traditionally do this in my family by driving around the parking lot until we see a shopper emerge from the mall, then we follow her, in very much the same spirit as the Three Wise Men, who 2,000 years ago followed a star, week after week, until it led them to a parking space. |
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- Dave Barry |
more quotations on [Holidays] |
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| User, n. The word computer professionals use when they mean "idiot." |
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- Dave Barry |
more quotations on [Computers] |
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| The obvious and fair solution to the housework problem is to let men do the housework for, say, the next six thousand years, to even things up. The trouble is that men, over the years, have developed an inflated notion of the importance of everything they do, so that before long they would turn housework into just as much of a charade as business is now. They would hire secretaries and buy computers and fly off to housework conferences in Bermuda, but they'd never clean anything. |
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- Dave Barry |
more quotations on [Men] [Housework] |
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| Imagine what will happen to this nation if large numbers of American women start using the Wonderbra. It will be catastrophic. The male half of the population will be nothing but mindless drooling Zombies of Lust. Granted, this is also true now, but it will be even worse. |
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- Dave Barry |
more quotations on [Men] |
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| The leading cause of death among fashion models is falling through street grates. |
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- Dave Barry |
more quotations on [Dieting] |
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| You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment. |
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- Dave Barry |
more quotations on [Pregnancy] [Women] |
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| If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be "meetings." |
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- Dave Barry |
more quotations on [Committees] |
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| Skiing combines outdoor fun with knocking down trees with your face. |
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- Dave Barry |
more quotations on [Skiing] |
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| Snowboarding is an activity that is very popular with people who do not feel that regular skiing is lethal enough.... I now realize that the small hills you see on ski slopes are formed around the bodies of forty-seven-year-olds who tried to learn snowboarding. |
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- Dave Barry |
more quotations on [Skiing] |
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