| Historian: A broad-gauge gossip. |
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- Ambrose Bierce |
more quotations on [History] |
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| History: An account mostly false, of events mostly unimportant, which are brought about by rulers mostly knaves, and soldiers mostly fools. |
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- Ambrose Bierce |
more quotations on [History] |
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| House, n. A hollow edifice erected for the habitation of man, rat, mouse, beetle, cockroach, fly, mosquito, flea, bacillus, and microbe. |
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- Ambrose Bierce |
more quotations on [Random] |
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| Education, n. That which discloses to the wise and disguises from the foolish their lack of understanding. |
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- Ambrose Bierce |
more quotations on [Education] |
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| Learning, n. The kind of ignorance distinguishing the studious. |
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- Ambrose Bierce |
more quotations on [Education] |
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| Bride, n. A woman with a fine prospect behind her. |
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- Ambrose Bierce |
more quotations on [Marriage] |
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| Love: A temporary insanity curable by marriage. |
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- Ambrose Bierce |
more quotations on [Marriage] |
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| Marriage, n. A community consisting of a master, a mistress, and two slaves, making in all two. |
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- Ambrose Bierce |
more quotations on [Marriage] |
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| Responsibility: A detachable burden easily shifted to the shoulders of God, Fate, Fortune, Luck or one's neighbor. In the days of astrology it was customary to unload it upon a star. |
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- Ambrose Bierce |
more quotations on [Responsibility] |
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| Sweater, n.: garment worn by child when its mother is feeling chilly. |
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- Ambrose Bierce |
more quotations on [Mothers] |
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| No country is so wild and difficult but men will make it a theater of war. |
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- Ambrose Bierce |
more quotations on [War] |
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| We submit to the majority because we have to. But we are not compelled to call our attitude of subjection a posture of respect. |
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- Ambrose Bierce |
more quotations on [Conformity] |
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| Abstainer, n. A weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure. |
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- Ambrose Bierce |
more quotations on [Self-Control] |
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| Aborigines, n.: Persons of little worth found cumbering the soil of a newly discovered country. They soon cease to cumber; they fertilize. |
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- Ambrose Bierce |
more quotations on [America] |
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| In each human heart are a tiger, a pig, an ass and a nightingale. Diversity of character is due to their unequal activity. |
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- Ambrose Bierce |
more quotations on [Integrity] |
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| Lawsuit: A machine which you go into as a pig and come out of as a sausage. |
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- Ambrose Bierce |
more quotations on [Justice] |
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| Pray, v. To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled in behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy. |
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- Ambrose Bierce |
more quotations on [Prayer] |
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| Brandy, n. A cordial composed of one part thunder-and-lightning, one part remorse, two parts bloody murder, one part death-hell-and-the-grave and four parts clarified Satan. |
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- Ambrose Bierce |
more quotations on [Alcohol] |
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| Happiness: an agreeable sensation arising from contemplating the misery of another. |
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- Ambrose Bierce |
more quotations on [Happiness] |
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| The hardest tumble a man can make is to fall over his own bluff. |
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- Ambrose Bierce |
more quotations on [Honesty] |
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